Monday, April 5, 2010
To Defer or Not to Defer, That is The Question
I don't know what my problem is. Or if it's even a problem. I just can't stand when my mother defers decisions to her husband. Like she can't make a decision for herself. It could be a mundane task, yet she'll ask him if she should do it, how she should do it etc. My mom is a very strong-willed woman, so I can't understand the contradiction. I'm wondering if it's an old fashion thing. Anytime there's a situation that needs rectifying, she'll automatically think that her husband, the man, should go and fix it. If I share a problem with her she'll suggest her husband's assistance or complete handling of the situation. Does she feel a woman can't solve problems? Little things like asking her what type of calling plan she has on her cell phone, gets the answer, "Oh I don't know, my husband handles that" She has no idea about the bills or any official business regarding her life. So, am I missing something? I handle all of my business, granted I'm single and have never lived with anyone. So of course I handle the business. My thing is, I'd be involved in every aspect of my life even if I shared it with someone. I can't imagine not being involved in what goes on in my home. I shovel my snow, I mow my lawn and I drive anywhere I need to go, no matter how far it may be. All of the aforementioned, my mother will find too difficult and suggest I ask her 60 something- year- old husband for help with. I wonder what it is,that is ok for me to do? I get a speeding ticket and have to appear in court, she wants to send her husband to go talk to the judge. Problems at my kids' school, my son's difficult basketball coach, all things for her husband to take care of , if I left it to her. What exactly should I be doing as a mother? Cooking and cleaning? Once again, my mother is the type that wears the pants, so why the hell does she have to defer to her husband? I understand sharing decision-making with your spouse, and yes you should let your spouse in on stuff. But not being able to handle business? I don't know. I tell myself, this is why I'm not married, because I obviously don't understand the concept of marriage. Quite frankly, if that's what marriage is about, then I don't want it. This has been on my mind lately, because I have this old grade school friend, that's really into his Bible. He really feels that a woman should submit to her husband. She should cook 7 course meals,7 days a week. He thinks that it's basically wrong for a woman to want a career or want a 50-50 relationship. I just don't subscribe to that. I wonder if that's the reason I'm not married lol. I would clash with a man like that. I have no problem taking care of my partner. There's just no way I'm submitting to him, I'm all for an equal partnership. Who knows, maybe I need to submit. Nah, it's not going to happen lol. I just need to find someone like-minded and I'll be fine. Right?