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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Please Don't Tell Anyone

There's Halloween, then there's New Year's Eve. Two of my favorite times of year. I remember at my family celebrations my mother would always cry when the new year arrived. Without fail, the tears would flow at the stroke of midnight. My mother always hosted the New Year's Eve celebration. The family would come over, and boy, we're a big one! We'd eat, the adults would drink, and we were all merry. Once it was 12 O'Clock we'd all have to make our rounds and be sure to kiss everyone. Such fond memories.

As a lot of families do, we expanded and spread out across New York. Our celebrations fizzled out and everyone went on with their lives. It makes me sad but my love of the holiday remains. As I grew older and had kids of my own I realized why my mother would cry. Something about saying goodbye to a year and welcoming a new one, is bittersweet. You might have lost a loved one, yet another one might have been born. Your life seems to be speeding ahead but you might feel like you're standing still. There are things you would have liked to accomplish and didn't, or perhaps there's things you carried out with ease. In that one minute where you leave a year behind to begin anew, a hodgepodge of emotions swirl about.

During the holidays, in general, people examine their lives. Love pops up instantaneously in the equation. Lost love, current love, future love, any form. Romantic, friendly, and the love for your family. As much as I have resisted the notion of falling in love again, I have to say that each passing year is bringing me closer to...*gulp* taking the plunge. After my last relationship ended I sort of gave up on the idea. I'm embarrassed to say it's been about 5 or 6 years.

The one thing that prompted this post was the fact that I went to see the movie New Year's Eve. It was such a lovely movie and it inspired me. It reminded me about that magical time in your life when you're in love. I know it's fiction and fairy tale endings but it left an impression on me. It renewed my faith in love. And for the first time in years I feel like I'd be ready to function in a loving, healthy relationship. For a long time I was so content on just enjoying my own company. It'll be hard to now share my precious time, if and when I decide to enter a relationship, but I won't feel bad for wanting or needing my own space. I have confidence that the lucky person who enters my life would understand.

Now that you've read this post, I'm going to have to swear you all to secrecy, because my friends are not going to recognize the person who wrote this :D

So, please, don't tell anyone.