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Monday, April 5, 2010

Center of The Universe Syndrome

I was talking to a friend today, about how you can go from being the best thing since slice bread, one day, to getting the kiss-off the next. As long as you play nice and "act right" you're sweet and a good lover or friend. The moment you cease to worship others, it's like all hell breaks loose. The tantrum throwing, complete with foot stomping ensues. It's just so unattractive. I have been told, if only I would "act right" then things would be different. What exactly does that mean? Does it involve ass kissing, being a doormat, or forever being the faithful friend, standing by to cater to whims of others? Perhaps, being a "yes person" is what it takes to stay in good graces with everyone. Never mind, the fact that you put up with all their highs and lows, at the expense of your own sanity. No appreciation, it's sad. Rarely, do you see anyone take responsibility for their shit. It's just easier to blame others than looking within yourself. I, on the other hand, have suffered the opposite for many years.I would always be hard on myself, wondering what I could have possibly done wrong in any given situation. I would beat myself up unnecessarily, putting my every little action under a microscope. I'd convince myself that everything was my fault. I'd take the brunt of venom filled reactions, and be okay with it. Well, after years of taking that on, I decided to say "screw it" Everything is not my fault! I refuse to take on what is not mine. If that makes me seem unsweet and unavailable, to attention- grabbing parasites, then so be it. Those people will have to realize, they are only the center of their universe.

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