Monday, April 5, 2010
Relationships, Monogamy, and Cheating , Oh My!
A few days ago, I wrote a blog entry about physical attraction. Not just your average attraction, the primal kind :)... I mentioned how it feels like all control is lost, when in the presence of that one person you find irresistible. This doesn't pose any real problem if you're single. The real conflict arises, if you're already in a committed relationship, or married, when you encounter strong physical chemistry with another. I can tell you, I've been cheated on in all three of my serious relationships. It has damaged me beyond repair, so it seems. I'm still working on the recovery process :( ...When I think about my heartbreak, though, I'm more hurt and upset over the deceit. All the lies it took to cover the cheating behavior. Of course, the act itself hurt as well. Somehow, I was able to deal with the sex act a little better. It sickened me to think about my partner having sex with someone else, but knowing they had feelings for the other person, damaged me the most. After my last heartache, I really started looking at love, sex, and relationships a lot differently. For one, I think the chances of me marrying are very slim. I also find myself thinking about "alternative lifestyles." Up until now, I felt that there was one person for everyone, tailored made. I guess that would be considered a soul mate huh? After going through all I did, in my relationships, I now find myself cynical. I used to hate when people would say, "We're animals and it goes against our nature to be monogamous." I felt, humans had evolved and were civilized enough by this point. I now feel, somewhat, different. Maybe it's more, me being scared to believe in what I once did. I mean, I do still believe that, humans are evolved to the point of knowing how to control their urges. I guess now, I'm thinking, maybe we shouldn't try so hard. If society as a whole became more open to "alternative lifestyles", I wonder, how much happier would folks be? For those who truly want to practice monogamy, kudos, that's beautiful. With the taboo lifted from open marriages, and polygamy even, maybe more people would respect each other more. There would be no real reason, to go out-of-the-way to deceive. I'm at a point where I, both, hate and love my new thought process. How wonderful it would be, to have a couple of husbands, to fulfill different needs. It just goes against everything that I ever believed about love. Although, I don't feel the same, I find it so hard to part ways with the idea, of that one true love. I would hate to think of myself loving someone again, for them just to stray outside the relationship and hurting me. Would it be better if there was an agreement before hand, that either party could take on a lover, or another spouse, even? If it was readily accepted in society, I wonder how many people would be for it? I strongly feel that, my next relationship will be set up in this fashion. I've gone through the pain of my partners straying, so, it would be nothing new, just out in the open now. Would I feel better if I had the same option in the relationship? Hell yes! For me, the saying "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander" is very important. Although, I've never stepped out, in any relationship I was in, believe it or not :)... Any person that has cheated on me, has had the nerve to be jealous and start drama AFTER we've broken up, and dated other people. Can you believe the nerve? They cheated on me and, giving me hell about dating someone new. I truly don't think it's fair, for only one person to have the option to step out of the relationship. I don't get how the people committing the offense, would not be so understanding, of their partner taking on another lover. Why not let them be happy too? I keep flip-flopping about this topic. This is why I haven't pursued a relationship yet. I would love to find one person to make a happy life with, I just don't have faith in coupling at the moment. If someone can come along, and change my mind, I invite them to do so ;)... But for now, I will definitely be looking for a different type of relationship. I'm not sure, If I could completely handle it, but what's the alternative?